The Big Birthday

(My forties were quite something...)

In her recent blog, Jeannie (Solecare Healing) talked about birthdays being more than just social celebrations, but also holding “powerful energetic significance.”

In many spiritual traditions, birthdays were honoured as sacred moments – a time to reflect on lessons learned and intentions set for the year ahead

In case you hadn't heard (as I don't mention it often!) I turn fifty this month. I don't feel grown up enough to be fifty. I have been told I don't look fifty (whatever fifty is supposed to look like?), but I have been living on this planet for half a century. I have been a mother for quarter of a century, for crying out loud! 

I have certainly been reflecting over the last few years, writing and inwardly cogitating on my past - decisions I've made, paths I have taken, pondering on the “what ifs?” My forties have been a decade of tremendous highs and heart-breaking lows. Challenges galore, including nursing through a pandemic! Positives absolutely outweigh the negatives - I am a Nana to six beautiful grandchildren, I have a tribe of friends who bolster me, I have achieved a Masters degree, presented an conferences, I have published three academic articles and three books. I was nominated for an award! I am a writer. I have been a dancer, a painter, a burlesque performer, an aerial hooper. I have zip-wired off a mountain in a body bag (it wasn’t really, but may well have been…). I have cold-water dipped. I have kayaked. I have been decorated with more ink (Thank you, Tara & Erin). I have been a Viking and a forest witch (thank you, Debbie). I have rediscovered my inner yogi (thank you, Amy). I have appeared on podcasts. I have stood on the picket line with my fellow nurses. Last year, I took my first solo flight! My multi-passionate life sends me down many rabbit holes and has connected me with many fellow multi-passionate souls across the globe. Reading books has shown me different lives and different worlds. 

The onslaught of perimenopause has opened the door to even more ups and downs, and I am hopeful that the next decade will see a calm after the storm. 

Have I learned lessons from my time? Oh yes. I have learned that filling my own cup is essential. That other people's reactions are not my responsibility. What others think of me is none of my business. 

Is it hard to put what I've learned into practice? It's fucking hard! I still wobble. I still worry about others. I still want that degree of validation. But there is also a growing part of me that no longer gives a fuck (which is apparently the freedom we discover with age). 

Setting intentions for the year ahead… In progress…

And celebrating? I am embracing becoming fifty by indulging in joy. A photoshoot where I demolished a cake with my bare hands. A special tattoo. A day-trip with Hubby. Time with family and friends. And embracing who I am, where I am. I may not yet be certain of who I am or what I want, but I hope I will have the gift of time to discover this. The priorities - finding the joy in the everyday, and an curating easeful life. 

My forty-year-old self had no idea how the coming decade would unfold, but she kept going and came out stronger, hopefully wiser, and still with a hunger for joy. 

Celebrate and honour your birthday. Celebrate and honour your achievements, however big or small they may be. You deserve to celebrate how far you have come, despite everything the world has thrown at you. You have made it this far, and that is worth celebrating.

With much love, as always,

Anna x x